She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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