Are my feet made of real feet?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
