Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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