Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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