I want to have your abortion
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i have two assholes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
