ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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