If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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