True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
