please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
