Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
