When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
