I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
