He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
