Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
