Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
