Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
