There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
