i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
