well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
