I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
