once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...