How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.