Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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