Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.