you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?