At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover