i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
