hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
