he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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