It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize