I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
