M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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