So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
