Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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