Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
