I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
