Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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