JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
