he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
