you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
