She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
