even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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