I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
