i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
