if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize