Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
