i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove