Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar