I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!