I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
