Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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