how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
