I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
