marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
