He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
