I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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