just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
