I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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