thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
