1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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