well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
