I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
