she woke up with a sticky ear
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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