Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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