I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize