so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
