i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
