Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
