my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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