I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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