last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
