im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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