He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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