Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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