i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
