Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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