It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
