If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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