lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
