I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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