She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
