it was like eating out sand paper
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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